Part 1: Why ADHD Often Goes Unnoticed in Women
Have you ever wondered why so many women don’t discover they have ADHD until adulthood? For many, the signs were there all along, but they were hidden behind coping strategies, people-pleasing, or sheer exhaustion. It’s not that ADHD looks completely different in women, it’s that the world often overlooks the way it shows up.
In therapy, this comes up often. Women tell me they’ve felt “lazy” or “scattered” their whole lives, only to realise later that what they were really doing was masking. ADHD in women can be missed because it doesn’t always fit the stereotype. Instead, it often looks like quiet struggle.
Why ADHD is missed in women
Girls and women may be more likely to internalise difficulties, leading to anxiety or depression rather than disruptive behaviour.
Social expectations encourage masking - staying organised, being agreeable, or hiding overwhelm.
Symptoms like forgetfulness or daydreaming may be dismissed as personality quirks.
Many women overcompensate with perfectionism, working harder to “keep up,” which hides underlying difficulties.
Practical strategies that help
Track patterns: Notice when your energy dips, or tasks repeatedly slip through.
Allow “good enough”: Loosen the grip of perfectionism; not every task needs to be flawless.
Use external supports: Timers, visual reminders, or body-doubling reduce the need for constant self-control.
Prioritise rest: Fatigue magnifies ADHD challenges.
Closing thought
ADHD doesn’t have to look one way, and recognising the quieter signs is the first step toward understanding.
In the next post, we’ll look at emotional intensity and ADHD — why feelings can feel so big, and how to ride the waves.” Are you a late diagnosed ADHDer, suspect you have have ADHD and want to talk more? Click here.
