Why Setting Boundaries Feel So Hard
I talk about boundaries with clients all the time, and I’ve had to work on them in my own life too.
For me, one of the hardest lessons was learning that saying “no” doesn’t mean you don’t care about someone. I used to agree to things even when I was tired or overwhelmed only to feel exhausted afterwards.
What changed things was starting small. Saying, “I need to think about that,” instead of an instant yes. Leaving space to decide. Over time, those little steps made it easier to set boundaries without all the guilt that used to come with them.
Boundaries are more than rules. They’re about how you protect your energy, your wellbeing, and your values – and they take practice.
Why boundaries can feel so uncomfortable
For many of the people I work with, saying no isn’t just hard – it can feel almost impossible.
There are often good reasons for this:
You might have been raised to “be helpful” or to put other people first.
Maybe you were taught that saying no was rude, selfish, or would cause conflict.
Or perhaps past experiences made it safer to keep quiet than to speak up.
If this feels familiar, you’re not alone – struggling with boundaries doesn’t mean you’re weak. It usually means you learned ways to stay safe that worked once, but don’t serve you anymore.
What healthy boundaries can look like
Boundaries aren’t about building walls or shutting people out. They’re about creating clear, kind limits that protect your time and wellbeing.
Some simple examples:
Taking time to think before saying yes. Saying, “I need to check my diary” buys you space to decide.
Choosing how much of your energy you can give. Maybe you leave an event early instead of staying until you’re drained.
Protecting time for yourself. Blocking out an evening each week where you don’t take on new plans.
Speaking up when something doesn’t feel right. Even if it’s just saying, “I’m not comfortable with that.”
These are small steps – but over time, they build confidence.
How therapy can help with boundary setting
Therapy isn’t about handing you a script to “say no better.” It’s a place to:
explore why boundaries feel so uncomfortable,
untangle guilt or fear that shows up when you try to set them, and
practice having those conversations in a way that feels safe and true to you.
Sometimes we talk through real‑life scenarios, sometimes we role‑play tricky conversations, and sometimes we simply figure out what your limits are before you even try to express them.
A final thought
Boundaries aren’t about shutting the world out. They’re about making sure there’s space for you inside your own life.
